I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I have fence marks all over my body
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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