I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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