look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
