that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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