ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
