you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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