Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
