you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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