Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
