you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
