I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
