Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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