And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
