Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
