We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
