if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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