it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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