I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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