was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
