we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize