yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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