this beer tastes like vomit already
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
