My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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