i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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