Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
