I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
