My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
