I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
No subtext here. People are naked.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
