I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
