He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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