I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
