bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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