apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
