I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
worst night to have a conscience
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
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