I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
And the cops told us we were all naked.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
