i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
