God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
