hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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