You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
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so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
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I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.