The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
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She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
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In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.