Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
