I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
They are going to name an STD after you.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
