i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
