I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
