This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
