i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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