do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
