I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
