Me too!
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
