he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize