she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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