Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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