I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
