nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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