I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
