You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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