FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
