Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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