**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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