I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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