mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
