So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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