just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My life is pants optional.
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