Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
