if you like me you must not know who I am
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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