i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
