Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
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it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
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I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
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