Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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