70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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