Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
