I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
