Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
