I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Vodka?
Forever.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
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